Soon I began to see that although I'd gotten rid of some junk in my life, there was much more that needed to go. The pursuit of peace and simplicity began. I said goodbye to the comforts of slavery. Yes, there's a certain sense of security that comes from being in captivity. I was able to blame my captors rather than examine my heart. I trudged along, no expectations of me and no hopes of my own to be dashed. As God pried my hands from the things that I had been desperately clinging on to, I moved further (farther?) into the desert. Suddenly, there was nothing but me and God.
I liked it. So much, I decided to wander around a bit. I got complacent. I proclaimed that I wanted to get to my Promised Land, but I wasn't sure about giving up the familiar. Why have milk and honey, when I had manna straight from Heaven? Not to mention that the route to the Promised Land is taking me away from ministries I had hoped for and to others that were most definitely not in my plan.
This summer, I've been studying No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. The last week was tremendously powerful. I was astonished to read God's personal message to me:
...if we dwell on all we've left behind, we will be tempted to return.
...whatever God is urging you to clear away cannot begin to be compared to what He ultimately wants to bring to you.
...After forty years of desert wanderings, the Israelites were ready to go. Sometimes it takes that long to get so sick of doing life our way for us to become open for change.
40 years of desert wanderings. 40 years of me, living life like I want (I celebrated my 40th birthday earlier this year). Mistaking manna for milk and honey. Being content with the dry, dusty land, not realizing the cool, lush land waiting for me.
Not what I signed up for. Not where I planned to go. Yet somehow more than I could've ever asked for or imagined.
"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.~Isaiah 55:1-2, 8-9